There has been an epidemic of sick leave affecting the NHS generally and our department specifically, gradually increasing in severity over the past few years. The husband of our diabetic coordinator is a manager in the health board dealing with such things and I ask him from time to time, “What percentage of staff are on sick leave at any one time?”
My jaw dropped so hard it almost dislocated when he said 37% the other day, though it fluctuates to as ‘low’ as 16% on a ‘good’ week. Due to problems whereby we cannot run clinics or theatres consistently and patients are, embarrassingly, cancelled at the last minute, it made me wonder if this sickness epidemic was cultural rather than a true indication of actual sickness. It then made me wonder if there are different types of sick leavers, and therefore in response I thought I would construct an unvalidated and totally unscientific (though cathartic) survey to help you, the reader, determine what type of sick leaver you actually are:
Q1: I have a mild cough and feel a little under the weather. I:
a. Go into work, obviously. Patients are booked and I can’t let them or the team down.
b. Go in today and see how it develops. Perhaps if it worsens, I might take a few days off.
c. Well, I’m on annual leave next week so this is a great opportunity to get some things done before the holiday so let’s call in sick yay!
Q2: A senior colleague says some hurtful things about my lack of dedication to the job. I:
a. Will show them they’re wrong by redoubling my efforts!
b. Will show them not to mess with me by putting in a complaint about them!
c. Will show them by going off on six months’ stress leave!
Q3: I hurt my ankle by stepping off the curb rather suddenly and as I’m quite chunky, it did some form of ligament damage. I:
a. Still go in to work, obviously, but I can’t stand for very long so will probably have to do adjusted duties.
b. Will take a day off to show them I’m ill then go in on a phased return that will last a few weeks. Might as well get something out of it!
c. Take immediate long-term sick leave and get my GP to order loads of tests and make many referrals which, when they don’t show anything, I will insist the NHS ‘isn’t working’ while being totally oblivious to my own role in this very same phenomenon.
Q4: I have just returned from a long period of sick leave in which my colleagues have suffered, as has the service.
a. I will return and thank everyone for keeping things going while I have been away.
b. I will return and mention nothing about how I made anyone suffer for my absence.
c. Return? I still have all this accrued annual leave to take! You do know you are still allowed to collect annual leave while off sick right?
Q5: Whilst on sick leave an opportunity arises to go on holiday abroad with my loving family. I:
a. Cannot possibly go abroad when I’m meant to be off ill! Crikey, how could I ever forgive myself!
b. Consider going abroad but will keep it quiet obviously. Crikey, what would people think of me!
c. Wouldn’t think twice; of course I’d go. You do know you’re allowed to go on holiday whilst on sick leave, yes? Might as well post the pictures on my Facebook.
Q6: It has become apparent that a colleague is taking advantage of the generous NHS sick leave system by going off sick for many months every year. My thoughts on this include:
a. Why is this allowed? They should be flogged for such, surely!
b. This is not fair! We should be paid more when they are away to cover their work!
c. This is not fair! I should be doing this, too!
Q7: I have a condition which in the past would be considered part of the spectrum of normality but now could potentially be classed as a disability.
a. So what? Life is full of different sorts of people. I am still an equal part of the team and will play my role. b. Good to get an official label just in case I need to take extra leave for whatever reason, I guess. c. Excellent. Let’s perform at work on the very margins of what would be deemed acceptable whilst thrashing the Equality Act 2010 to within an inch of its life to get the very most out of the NHS.
Q8: Everyone else seems to be off sick in the department and it’s a total nightmare turning up to work now. My natural inclination is to:
a. I respect last stands and will happily be the last one standing. Like a faithful captain, I go down with my ship.
b. This is super stressful. If it carries on, I will have to complain about the stress so they get more people back in work!
c. This is super stressful. I feel a form of mental health crisis requiring many weeks off work coming on.
Bonus question: Whilst shopping in Tesco I have emptied my groceries into the car and am now lumbered with the trolley. I:
a. Push it back to the shop.
b. Reluctantly push it back to the shop. I need my pound back.
c. I used one of those plastic disc things so I’m okay leaving it here. Someone else can take it back.
Scoring
Mostly a’s: Well done! You’re a true socially conscious soul and without you, the NHS would wither and die! Mostly b’s: You’re a human being in a human world getting by. Mostly c’s: A gulag is too good for you. You’re the reason the NHS is in the state it’s in and if you’re not ashamed of yourself, you should be!
And that’s it. Hopefully you did well! The health service is on a knife edge at present and if we are not careful, we will lose it. There has never been a more critical time in our history; everybody counts and it would be such a shame if our generation destroyed the greatest gift given to us by our forebears. Whilst the sick leave system is itself sick, let us keep going and be an example of hard work and industry at a time of indolence and greed. Let us all pass the Tesco Trolley Test with flying colours!
